I usually don’t open up too much about my personal life or my relationships, but I’ve come to realize how important it is. So here I go...
When Bree and I moved in together in Hawaii, we had no idea just how difficult the next nine months were going to be.
The whole thing was such a shocking and new experience for both of us. I was 21 and she was 19, we were living in downtown Honolulu (a city of 500,000 people compared to the small town we grew up in), we both were in school taking difficult classes, and neither of us had ever lived with the opposite sex before.
Now bundle all that up and throw it into a 500 sqft studio apartment.
YIKES.
We would argue about everything. What we would watch on TV, what temperature the air conditioner was set to, what time the lights had to be off at night, what time the lights could be on in the morning, who played music in the car, who would cook, who would do the dishes, who got to decide if it was a beach day or a homework day. I could keep going, trust me.
It was a nightmare for about three months. We were living in the most beautiful place in the world, but as much as I hate to say it, our studio apartment felt like a war zone some days. We knew that if we were going to make it work, we had to change something.
I believe the credit goes to Bree’s mom for initially helping us with our situation. She made the wild recommendation of “compromise”.
Apparently, Bree and I had never heard that word before. We both approached our disagreements with the mentality that one of us was 100% right and the other was 100% wrong. Nothing in between.
We sat down and made a list of everything we would argue about, then we came up with a compromise for each item.
I wanted the lights off by 10pm and Bree wanted them off at 2am. So we settled on midnight.
I wanted the AC set to 68º and Bree wanted it at 74º. So we settled on 71º.
Bree would do all the cooking and I would do all the dishes.
The most impactful compromise we made was that every other day would be that person’s “day”.
For example... On Monday, I got to play music in the car, I got to choose what we watched on TV, and I got to decide if it was a beach day or a homework day. On Tuesday, it was Bree’s day and she got to choose everything.
This idea seems so simple as I explain it, but it was mind-blowing at the time. Bree and I are both very passionate people who like to be right. The idea of compromise was so foreign to us.
Fast forward two years and Bree and I live together in peace and harmony. Sure we have our minor disagreements here and there, but nothing like it used to be. To strengthen the communication in our relationship even more, we're reading this book together now.
It's likely that you currently live with a roommate or partner. If not now, you will eventually do so in the future. You’re inevitably going to have arguments or disagreements. Don’t forget the simple, yet seemingly elusive idea of compromise.
Remember when your parents would give out chore assignments to you and your siblings? Do the same but with your roommate or partner. One person cooks, one person cleans. One person wipes off the counters and the other takes out the trash.
These compromises and assignments will not only save a relationship, but they will strengthen it beyond anything you could have thought possible.
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