I originally read this idea in one of my favorite books of all time, Can’t Hurt Me by David Goggins. (I know I talk about this book a lot, but for good reason). I’ve also read the same idea in a handful of other books such as Psycho-cybernetics, Atomic Habits, and Two Meals A Day.
While each book presents the idea in a different way, they are all saying the same thing: the most important conversation you’ll ever have is the one you have with yourself.
Also sometimes known as self-talk or self-identity, it’s what determines how we view ourselves. If we are constantly telling ourselves that we’re ugly, awkward, overweight, lazy, and dumb—even if we truly aren’t—then that’s exactly what we become! On the flip side, if we tell ourselves that we’re good-looking, charismatic, healthy, fit, and smart, then that’s what we become.
We can change our habits by changing our self-identity. By changing our habits, we change who we are.
For example, if you want to eat healthier, you should constantly tell yourself and others, “I'm a very healthy person who pays attention to the foods I’m eating.”
If you want to run more often, tell yourself, “I’m a runner”.
Even if it’s not 100 percent true at the time, having this mindset and telling yourself these affirmations will slowly shape your identity and turn you into the person you want to be.
When I was 13 years old, I realized how unhealthy soda was and how often I was drinking it. One day, I just started saying “I don’t drink soda”. For the last 10 years, not once have I bought a soda or ordered one at a restaurant—all because I created the identity that “I’m not a soda drinker”. True story.
In Pyscho-Cybernetics, Maxwell Maltz highlights a study that took three teams and asked them to shoot free throws, with each individual's accuracy recorded. One team practiced shooting free throws every day, another didn't practice shooting at all, and the players on the third team sat on a bench and imagined themselves shooting free throws.
When the teams were tested in free throws at the end of the experiment, the team that practiced every day showed the most improvement, the team that never practiced didn't improve at all, and the third team, which never touched a basketball, improved by nearly as much as the team that practiced every day.
Imagine what the third team could do if they also practiced every day in addition to their visualizations… after all, your nervous system cannot tell between an actual experience and one that is vividly imagined.
No matter where you are in life, you can use these tools to help make you smarter, healthier, richer, and better in all aspects. Tell yourself who you want to be. Tell your friends and family who you want to be. One of the most powerful tools we can use is accountability... Post on social media that you are going to lose 10 pounds or set a new personal record for sales for the year. It works, trust me.
Take on the identity of the person you want to be. You can change from anything to anything by changing your self-image.
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